the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
