That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
