we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
