He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
