just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize