my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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