He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
