We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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