there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.