I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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