forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.