Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.