First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man