@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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