the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.