I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
