i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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