no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
