i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
