I want to have your abortion
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize