there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
