Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you win again, gameday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
