he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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