Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I deserve this hangover.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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