So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
