i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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