beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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