When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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