Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
