I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
