We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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