What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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