my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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