my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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