So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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