FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
