not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
