woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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