he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
