i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
