Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
