When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
