Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
