I puked a lego.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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