Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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