So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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