I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize