I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
