Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
