Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
