At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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