Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
