It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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