I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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