I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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