People with herpes should wear stickers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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