Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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