She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
