I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize