Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
