I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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