There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
