just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish you could order shots online.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
