Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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