hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
