I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
