You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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