Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
