We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
