Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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