So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
