I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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