I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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