i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
