I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
