Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
