Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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