Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
