I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
