naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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