but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
