so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
