In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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