Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
